I think Chilli missed out on her soulmate when she left Usher and I believe she knows it as well. Watching her talk about him on VH1 I saw that what they had sometimes you only get to find that kind of love once in a lifetime. A love that connects you together where it always feels right even in the bad times you still feel connected. It’s hard to find someone you have things in common with, chemistry, great sex, good conversation, great times and a connection that burns so deep you can feel it even when they are away. I mean I don’t understand how someone can let something so great go, but then again we live with so much baggage and fear in our lives even when you have someone who is that right standing in front of you, you’ll find something wrong because you afraid to let go.  I can’t see how you can shake that “I missed out” feeling when you skipped over the person you know you could have had a happy life with? Of course some say everything happens for a reason but I truly believe some things are destine and we hinder ourselves by not letting go of past things or being to stubborn to give in. Sometimes the only reason that you miss out on something great is because you where to scared to move your feet and it will be something that you will have to live with forever. And it’s much easier say “maybe it wasn’t meant” but the truth is, it was and you missed out and you might not have another chance at finding that one again. I really hope Chilli and Usher either get back together or she settles instead of trying to find another him because sometimes you only get one real love in a lifetime and everyone else is what you have to settle with.

Temeka Raymond didn’t seem to happy about this and she told Chili to get over it… lol

Actress Essence Atkins recently got married to her boyfriend Jamie Mendez who she met on a popular internet dating site last year in February. According to Essence, she met Jamie on match.com and the two have been inseparable ever since:

“I wrote him a quick little note that I had read his profile, and then I signed off, Happy SAD Day – that’s Single Awareness Day,” says Essence, 37, who appeared on the UPN sitcom Half and Half.

A week later, Essence and Jamie had their first date and a year after that were engaged.  The wedding took place at Ambassador Mansion and Gardens in Pasadena, CA.  The favors consisted of match books and travel size candles for people coupled up and the single guests received six months free membership on Match.Com. Jamie who is Puerto-Rican was surprised that his wife got him an original salsa band for the weeding.

Since this is the new age and Women basically run everything, my question is what is a man’s place in a relationship? In the beginning of time the man’s place was to be a protector, provider, the head, a strong person and a leader. But now all that has change to what? I’m confused on what’s a man’s role in a relationship now. We make more money than them, we are more educated and it’s less likely now for a woman to listen to her man. So what’s left for them to be?  I ask this because it ran across my mind once I listened to BabyFace “Soon As I Get Home For Work”.

Back in the day, men where strong and women where soft. In those times women let men pay there bills, be there knight and court them like it should be. Now it’s I don’t  need a man I got my own shyt! If everything is so equal now what roles are left for a man only? What should he be that his wife/girl is not trying to be. I mean me; I’m pretty old fashion and whenever I decided to date again, I’m the type of chick that will fall back and let the man take the lead. But only if I can trust him enough to lead me in the right direction. But if your not willing to then what should your man be to you that’s different then what your are to him?

Do you believe everything should be equal and that old fashion stuff is for the birds let me know???

I was holding a conversation about men of course-lol and it was brought up that men want a woman who listens. So I said well that works both ways you know, and my mind wondered, why do men make all these independent women anthems if that’s not what they want? Why do you say I love her because she has her own, yet if she lets you know she has her own it’s a problem? She being demanding and looking down on you? Why do men say they want a woman with her own money but if she mentions it or how much she makes were wrong?  Then it’s turned around to say that were looking down on black men, and were too strong headed.

I’m confused and maybe it’s just me, but all this talk about how black women have bad attitudes and they don’t know how to treat a brother is crazy. I mean on one hand you’re lifting us up and say yes, I respect that you have a degree, a career that you can take care of it all. But than on the other hand it’s like y’all some bishes that have stank attitudes, that are very ungrateful and we don’t know how to treat you.  I mean can you clue a bish in on what’s what? I mean if you say be independent then turn around and say be submissive? Are men saying they want it both ways?

You say there something about a woman who doesn’t need you right? So when she says it to you, why get mad? I just don’t understand it; do you men want a Miss Independent or little Queezy from the hood? I hear men saying women who work at burger king make better wives because they’re more down? But yet you turn around and say you want a woman who got her own things.

Should we not be proud of the things we’ve accomplished as a woman? But if we bring it up or gloat were being a bish. I hear all this hate towards black women I don’t understand it, you say you want a woman who can help you; but when you have a woman with her own things you say she controlling. Clue a bish in because I’m sure I’m not the only woman who feels this way.

Do you guys want a independent woman or Queezy from the hood, who is uneducated, smokes weed and isn’t going anywhere in life but to McDonalds or Burger King? (Side note there’s nothing wrong with these jobs just asking a question)

Also I could not get out of here with out bringing up the rapid amount of men wifeing strippers and ho’s. So tell me this would you rather marry a stripper than an educated woman?

I thought this was the cutest thing Tiny and T.I out on a date night, she even got him to blush when she said I ready for date number two. To cute I like these two together.

They say a way to a man’s heart is though his stomach, I disagree. Now I will say that a man will enjoy a woman that knows how to cook. However this will not get you a first class ticket to his heart and lock him down. I read an article and Reggie Bush said that he was gamed on Kim once she cooked for him. Read below,

“She cooked one of my favorite meals, corn bread, macaroni and cheese, candy yams and fried chicken and it was ridiculously good,” so he told OK! magazine at the Direct TV Celebrity Beach Bowl recently.

“We were kind of dating and she said, ‘I can kind of cook good’”, Reggie recalled. “She’s the first girl that’s ever cooked a meal for me,” he added. “That’s honestly how she got me – with the food!”

Reggie revealed, “I was already stunned by how beautiful she is and then when she cooked the meal for me. And she’s pretty too, it’s done. You can’t ask for much more.”

Now I agree with Reggie to a certain extent, yes a man can appreciate a women who knows her way around the kitchen. This will not catch a man’s heart and make him want to wife you up, I know for a fact personally—I can cook, and I’m talking Big Momma’s house cook, clean, have a great career and have things going for myself. Having all that does not make a man want to wife you up, it will make him keep you around him because he doesn’t want anyone else to have you. But in my opinion the only way to a mans heart is when he’s ready to open it up and receive you. It doesn’t matter how much good cooking you do for him, how good the sex is. If he’s not ready that won’t get him ready.

I think you have to know if the man your doing these things for is ready for what your giving him. No matter how hard you try, you can not change a man ways period. He will be what he wants to be until he’s ready to change. So I do believe in a way, yes it’s a way to a willing man’s heart. But if he is not willing to be right, you can cook like his mother, sex him like Pinky and look like Kim Kardashian. If he’s not ready to settle down he won’t, but he will play with your heart (selfish) so make sure you two are on the same page before you fix him his plate.

What are your thoughts, Is a way to a man’s heart through his stomach?

Sometimes it’s the little things you do in a relationship that drives your partner wild for you. We all know expensive gifts are good, but it’s the little things that we think are not as important is what most of our partners would prefer more of. When I say the little things—it could be when you smile at your partner at the right time that touches them. The way you come up your lady and kiss her on the forehead softly- and it sends a tingle through her body.  It’s the way you look at him while he’s driving to let him know you’re going to put it on him when you get in. It could be the way she rubs your back at the right moment to let you know everything will be alright.

Let’s face the facts we all want to feel special within our relationship and doing the little things daily can achieve this goal for your spouse.

A sweet text message that comes at the right time can pick up your spouse bad day. Leaving a sweet song on your partners voice mail can make them happy-(this may seem high schoolish but it does make your partner smile). Whatever it is that makes your partner happy without you even knowing it. I’m not trying to over load you guys on Dave Hollister but when I listened to this song Baby Do Those Things, I thought wow it is the little things you do without putting any effort into it that makes your partner feel special. So I think you should ask your partner what are the little things you do that makes them happy so you can give them more. Relationships are hard work and it’s no walk in the park! It takes dedication, understanding and a whole lot of patience to bear it. But it can be the little things that make it seem all worth putting up with the b-s that love brings—lol

What do you guys think is it the little things that make you happy? Are do you prefer the big things?

Baby Do Those Things - Dave Hollister

Gotta take of home, Know what I’m saying, Cause if you don’t take care of home, Somebody else will, ya feel me?

Taking care of home sometimes gets pushed to the back burner in long term relationships. Priorities get shifted and you get used to each other after awhile. Sometimes there’s some cheating going on that stop a man from taking care of home. I will say this until I reach my grave—a man can not love two women equally. Somebody is going to get the short end of the stick. It’s usually the wife/girlfriend at home that comes up short; men don’t know how to balance the needs of two women. Everything that your girl/wife does is wrong, and that’s because she’s not who you are checking for. A woman can not please a man that’s in love with another woman. So what happens is, your home falls apart, you’re not taking care of home you don’t even want to be there, now your girl/wife is left out in the cold. Usually what ends up happening is that she finds somebody else to do your job, she stops loving you and wants out or she stays and waits for you to get your act together.

Tomorrows not promise to us and sometimes it can be too late to right your wrongs. So why waste your time, or take the risk of losing what you have at home?

Taking care of home should be your main priority. When I ran across my David Hollister CD I thought man this was when music was music. His words in this song made me think of this post, Fella’s you need to take care of home first. Listen to the song because the words are real, letting your home fall apart for a piece of ass, the streets are whatever it is your doing is stupid. Don’t walk through life thinking you have forever to get it right because you don’t. It will be only a matter a time before she’s had enough and she’s tired then the next step for her is out the door. Why mess up a good thing for something that is temporary. I feel like you have to love your spouse like you will never see them again because the truth of the matter is—you just might not. Nothings promised to you, so cherish what you have, hold them close and give them all the love they deserve.

Take Care of Home—Lyrics
Gotta take of home
Know what I’m saying
Cause if you don’t take care of home
Somebody else will, ya feel me?
Y’all know what I’m talking ’bout
Check it

If she thinks you don’t say it enough
Tell her you love her
Every time that your baby
Comes across your mind, heh yeah heh
And if you think your girl wants the world
Be the sunshine that brightens up her life
Don’t let her get away, no

1 – don’t let her get away
If you really care enough
Love her everyday
Over and over and over

2 – if you take care of home
You don’t have to worry your girl
Take care of home
Take care of home
Maybe if you keep her first
You don’t have to worry your girl
Take care of home
Take care of home

Hold her hand when you walk through the mall
Cause you know she likes it
Do all the little things you used to do, hmm mmm
Day and night make sure you live to keep her happy
Make her realize how beautiful she is
She’s so beautiful
Don’t let her, no…

Repeat 1

Repeat 2 (2x)

You got a queen
So take care of her in every way
(you’re so lucky yes you are, hmm)
You know that she adores you
So worship the ground she walks on

Dave Hollister – Take Care of Home.mp3 get more free mp3 & video codes at www.musik-live.net

The ingredient for Love is simple to me; people expect love to be solid and we feel it should never change.  Love does change in fact there’s nothing in life that stays the same; it will change in one-way or the other. People change, looks change, health changes, our hair changes, our weight changes, our age changes, our job changes–I mean let’s face it things will change—its life.

It’s about embracing change that will get you through life, when you work a job—you can be doing things the same way for months and your boss comes up and says “that’s changing we have a new format” so what do you have to do, embrace it. And to be real, the next week your boss comes right back and says, “Were going back to the old way, that didn’t work out.” So again you have to embrace change and get with the program. So in our personal life we have to have the same concept, Embrace Change. Things are not always going to be the same way they were when you first met that person.  We have to understand that from the first hello, the first conversation, the first date, the first time you make love, the first time you told that person “I Love You”, to you saying I Do—your relationship changed from moment to moment it can not be the same. All these things happened in phases, which is another form of change. It’s the way you feel when you see that person and it turns into a feeling that you cannot be without that person. (Embrace change)

Love is funny and it’s tricky—it can make you happy, but at the same time it can hurt you to the bone. It can heal pain, and make you feel complete.  It’s a lot of emotions that are involved with love, and we all love differently. But knowing when you found that person that you feel you could be with forever is the best feeling. Don’t run from it (fellas), understand what love is. Love is change—so no matter what storms blow your way remember that this is a part of love. Instead of saying why me, look at the situation as an opportunity to become closer than close with your mate. And I mean with-in reason—one thing about love it should always be respectful-and I can’t say it won’t hurt. But it shouldn’t leave you scared. To me that means you can be hurt when you’re in love—the person you love to death and trying to please could have just told you they don’t like your head game. That will hurt you, but not scar you. It will hurt your feelings and ego, you probably thought you be putting it down. But when something like this happens it’s the time to embrace change instead of saying f-it.  Sit down and ask question, try to learn your partner more, maybe they liked it yesterday but today it hurts—who knows.

But a scaring love is being abused and mistreated and we should never stand for that. The truth is—a love that is tearing you down ain’t really love.  A person that is making you feel little and beneath them, a person that has you crying all the time ain’t worth it—that’s not love.  We have to take time to understand if what we have is real, we have to ask ourselves is this right are do I just want it to be—it’s a difference. So when Oprah says love should never hurt—I can agree to a certain point, it shouldn’t leave you scared and drained. But I do feel there will be times where your spouse might hurt you unintentionally.  Not a hurt where it can’t be worked out and fixed, even if your spouse said something you didn’t like—you should be able to sit down and talk to them and asked them to express themselves differently.

So here are my main ingredients for a long lasting love and a strong foundation. I’m talking about a rock solid one— no matter if it rains storms a hurricane can blow through it or it can catch on fire. You will be still standing like it didn’t affect you. It might leave some broken pieces that have to be fix—but as long as you are riding together it will be a piece of cake to patch up.

1. Trust—trust is essential key in a relationship; when your laying down the foundation of your relationship trust should be the base. I don’t care how much great sex you have, how many conversations you can have—you will not be able to weather any storms without trust. Fine, your girl or guy gives great head and can sex you crazy—if you don’t trust that person that great sex will end your relationship faster than it started. You’ll go crazy when there not around—little crazy thoughts will roam through your mind about them—it’s not worth it. Put trust second to God, and when I say trust—I mean you have to open up and let this person all the way in. You have to believe in this person and have faith that they will always do the right things by you.?2. Understanding—I placed this second because to me, a relationship will not make it without being an understanding person. And this falls on both ends, you want to be understood and you want to understand that person. It will be times where your spouse wants to be left alone, they don’t want to talk at that moment, it can be times where there not in the mood. You may run into times where they want things done a certain way, they may need for you to hug them and give them a kiss. When you’re in a relationship that you want to last, you have to be understanding and not be selfish. A good example, you see them mad and you want them to talk about it, they say give me a minute, but you want them to talk now. No—-have some understanding for how that person is feeling—maybe they just need to think before they say something that will hurt you. Be understanding that sometimes your spouse can be tired are wrapped up and they’re not purposely ignoring you.  I could go on; it’s basically placing yourself in your spouse shoes.  Asking yourself “would I want her to be laying down with another man?” Try to walk in your spouse shoes sometimes so you can show some compassion to your mate.?3. Confidence and Goals—having confidence within yourself is major, if you’re insecure it can ruin your relationship. Knowing that you take care of your girl/guy and have no reason to worry about them should be the way you carry your relationship. (Make sure that you are and not just play pimping) Feeling like hey I’m keeping them happy so there’s no need for me to stress and be a stalker, will keep your relationship alive. Nobody wants to be with somebody who is worried and checking on him or her every five minutes. This goes back to the trust part of the relationship, trust your spouse and feel confident enough that they are doing what’s right. (Until they start acting strange-I’m just saying) Goals are a major factor in a relationship as well—who wants to spend the rest of their life with somebody who isn’t motivated? Goals need to set individually and together, set goals on what you two want for your life rather it be a house, money in the bank, that new 745 in the drive way. Whatever goals you two set for your relationship stick to it, personal goals are a must—we must be individuals in life. We have to have our own identity, our own goals, and our own separate life’s to keep sane. Make sure you set goals for yourself and share them with your spouse so they can push you into greatness. You will need them to cheer lead you to your victory, especially when it seems so far away. And I promise there’s nothing sexier to me than a motivated man -I love it.

4. Intimacy and Lust—you need to have a very intimate relationship with your spouse, intimacy is kissing, hugging and touching. It’s more than sex it’s the act of love— its social, emotional, mental and spiritual as well. Intimacy really means total life sharing that you will give everything that you have to that person-mind, body and soul. It’s a peak of pleasure that gives you the big O every time you hit the sheets, it’s the way you stimulate your partners mind with your words. The way you look at them that sends a tingle through their body, the feeling that you give them that they can’t live without. Your openness and willingness to please by any means necessary, the closeness you feel from them. Now lust is the second piece to your puzzle, we all have lust within us—there’s no denying it. It’s the reason why people cheat. Lust vs. love it is different, lust is not a commitment, it is a feeling that is temporary.   I see LL Cool J and I can have a moment in my head where I lust for him, but when it’s over I’m done—I’m not in love with him. You should lust for your partner and want for your partner to lust for you. You should lust for their touch, their bodies, and there good good. Lust is an overwhelming feeling of desire to have something, so why let that all go to waste on somebody else you don’t know are love. Lust is a deadly sin, the bible tells a man to be careful whom you fix your eyes on. I agree with that statement your eyes should stay on the person you love and you should lust for them only.?5. Looks-I started not to go here, but we can let ourselves go sometimes, we women dress sexy and keep out hair done in the beginning. We put on our Vikki secrets to go to bed, make sure were smelling good for our new boo. Than once we get him wrapped it’s a wrap for us, we break out the granny panties-head scarfs, skin cream and put on socks before we go to sleep. Now I’ll be the first to tell a ninja I ain’t messing up my blow out for nobody so he has to get use to my silk scarf but you get my point. And the same goes for men as well, keeping up with getting your hair faded, beard lined and a fresh fit on-goes out the door as well. We have to keep ourselves lustful for our partners so they eyes don’t be wondering. So if flo is not visiting, maybe grab some cute boy shorts and a tank top for bed even if you have on a scarf.  Dudes have to understand a sister’s hair ain’t made to be blow-dried everyday. But we can make sure we smell good and look sexy for bed, and on the day before you get your hair done go all out with it-leave the scarf off get some Fredrick’s Of Hollywood popping off and treat ya man good ladies. And fella’s it doesn’t take much to keep yourselves up a haircut and a bath should be simple.?6. Partners—being partners should be a must, in my eyes being my partner means I can depend on you. So whenever I need you—if you can, you should be there. And partner’s share everything basically money, reasonability, conversations etc you get my point—you have to be your spouse partner.?7. Be Friends (companionship)- I didn’t include this in being partners, because sometimes you’re somebody’s partner but not their friend. Weird ain’t it. Sometimes we feel like our spouses do not understand us and we can’t talk to them. So you go out and get somebody you think you can talk to, somebody that will understand how you are feeling. That’s why it’s very important to be your spouse best friend. Let them know they can talk to you about anything and listen. Friends listen without judgment—sometimes we get so caught up in our ways we don’t even see we are being fickle to our spouse. Sometimes your mate might just want to vent to you without you putting your two cents in. That’s why I say embracing change is important because at that moment they don’t need a spouse they need an ear and a friend to listen to them. So we have to be understanding to them and bow down and give them what they need, so they don’t feel like they have to go other places for that type of companionship.

Well I would throw in money, but in my book money can’t buy you love—I feel if two people are for each other, there grinding together they will get whatever they want in life. So money doesn’t equal happiness for me, but if it does for you I can understand—they say money makes the world go around.

Please learn to embrace change—it’s life—and when you guys are having a moment remember the only person you can change at that point is you.

What did I miss add to the list if you can, we all need to help each other?

Tee Hee I like Lisa Wu and her Hubby, I think she has the classic love story going. I know everything is not perfect but after a abusive relationship with Keith Sweat she was able to find love again.